I consider myself friendly. The online psych evaluations with titles like “Know Yourself” confirm I possess a high level of agreeableness. It’s got to be true! But it’s rare for me to turn a coworker into someone I’d consider a real friend. It does happen from time to time, but only rarely.

When I first started working (where I currently work) Phil was the first one to invite me to have lunch, grab coffee, or just stop by my office to talk (about work). We ended up working together on a number of projects and hit it off. I do have a high level of agreeableness, after all. And when his mother died, I went to the wake. It was a hot summer Sunday in July and I was the only one from work to show up. It was the right thing to do.

I don’t really know Phil though. We don’t socialize outside of work. Almost everything we talk about is work related. Our lives are different: he’s older never been married, has no children. His only dependent is a brother with special needs. Phil moved south a few years back and works remotely. About once a month he drives back to my state to spend a week with his brother and work at HQ. Still noted I was stressed and listened as I told him about an impending lawsuit I was facing. I will be forever grateful for putting me in touch with his lawyer – a man who offered sage advice and perspective.

A few weeks back, Phil calls sounding hoarse.

“OK?”

“Sick,” he croaks. “Pneumonia.”

Don’t bother with our latest project, rest and heal yourself. Work can wait. He agrees. But, before I leave for the day, he calls again. “I was just talking to Alex and Dennis about the 1553 messaging script changes and I think we should … ” Coughing and more coughing. It goes on for a while.

That night he sends half a dozen emails. The next day more emails and another sick phone call. He sounds worse. “Maybe I’ll take the rest of the day off.”

Workaholic. I know the type. I used to be that guy. Still am … in a way.

I make a joke about his obvious efforts to be named employee of the century. He doesn’t laugh.

“Ya know … when you live alone and you work from home, and work is really all you got …”

Isn’t that sad?