I don’t sleep. God knows I wish I could though.  I love snuggling into a down comforter and layers of blankets and feeling the warmth and weight encircle me like a cocoon. I love the feeling of slowly waking up and feeling really refreshed – a luxury I don’t experience much anymore. I love the dreams that carry me away – though, once again, there hasn’t been many good ones of late.  I love late-morning/early-afternoon naps.  I love the giggly silliness I feel when I’m very tired.  And, I love feeling a warm body curled up next to me under the covers …

That I don’t sleep well these days shouldn’t come as a surprise, but in all honesty I’ve never been a good sleeper. I blame my first job (delivering newspapers) on making me a morning person permanently. Later on, when my first daughter was born I specialized in the early morning feedings. And, years back, when my dream job turned into a stress-factory I lost what little sleeptime I had. At that point in my life, I was burning the candle at both ends – having trouble falling asleep and then staying asleep. I turned to medication to cope. My doctor prescribed something – a mood leveler which happened to have an added bonus of helping me sleep with no addictive properties.

These days I’m lucky if I get four hours a night, five if I’ve popped my pill, six if I washed it down with a glass of something strong. There are few things more frustrating than waking up at 3 a.m. and feeling your brain immediately kick into gear contemplating an uncertain future and potentials that will never be realized.